Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
