I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
