New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
