it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
