My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
