Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
a search helicopter?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
