That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
