Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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