is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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