He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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