I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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