alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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