I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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