I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The air taste purple.
Randomize
