he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
