Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
