I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
