I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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