If that was your dad, he is hot
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
