I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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