way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The adults are the big ones right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
