After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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