i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
