So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize