Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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