she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
