the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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