You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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