why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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