Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
