every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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