Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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