So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
