fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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