I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
