Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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