Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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