I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
