I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
