Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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