thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
