Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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