How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
