just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
