so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
