yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize