i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
