I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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