You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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