she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Houston, we have a squirter
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
