True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
