Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
