I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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