I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
