So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
