How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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