i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
