loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
