People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize