on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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