I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
