Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
only if we run a train.
done.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
