did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
