my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
