so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
