After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
