I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
