that's an acceptable place to lick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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