I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
