I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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