i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
