in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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