your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please come you make the beer taste better
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize